It has been a rough week for sleep here in the Mecham household.
This past weekend we went to Firth! I always get huge anxiety & panic attacks when we decide to go! Peyton hardly sleeps at home but you bring him out of his comfort zone & he freaks. Every single time we go I think this may be a good weekend....
This weekend was not the winning weekend! It was awful! All he does is cry & cling to my leg!
You see, Peyt has never been one of those kids who could just roll with the punches. He has always been special to me, but sometimes I wonder if we all spoiled him a little to much.
I consider him my life lesson, because I’m pretty sure God had just a few things he wanted me to learn:
Lesson 1: You are not in control
I can admit that I tend to be a bit of a control freak. I like to be in charge, I like to have lists & plans!
From day one, Peyt has flat-out refused to be confined to any sort of schedule, and believe me, it wasn’t for my lack of trying or the nurses! The only somewhat routine we EVER had was Primary Childrens. & that's because HE had to be! For the first two or three months of his life after we brought Peyton home, we tried desperately to get him into some sort of predictable routine, reading every single child baby book & blog we could. It just wasn’t to be. I finally gave up and then started to realize that a lack of schedule meant a lot more flexibility. I started to learn how to roll with the punches and just take it one minute or hour at a time! I stopped stressing out about the fact that he wasn’t napping when I thought he should or napping for as long as he should and started appreciating more the moments when he was peaceful & playing with his brothers!
Lesson 2. Attitude Is Everything
A mom sets the tone! I think what they meant by that is that if the mom is crabby or depressed or ornery, then every one else follows suit. Over the years, we’ve had to remind each other every once in a while, but it is so true.
It would be easy for me to wallow in the fact that Peyt is, well, a challenge.
It would be easy for me to feel sorry for myself when I only end up getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep because he has kept us up all night. Again.
It would be easy for me to get very irritable after spending the day listening to him yell. And scream. And cry.
[Almost] continuously.
All. Day. Long.
And I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I do wallow or feel sorry for myself or get irritable.
But I try not to. Because it doesn’t help. It makes things worse. And really, truly, there are many people who have far worse problems then a miserable child. I’ll survive. And one we day we hope that he will grow out of it.
When I find myself up at 3am and unable to go back to sleep, I take the time for myself. Because I know at those points when I want my own time during the day, it's not happening!
Lesson 3. Stuff really isn’t all that important.
I like nice things. I like my house to be pretty and clean. There’s nothing wrong with that. Except when having nice things becomes the most important thing in my life.
Last week Peyton gave me a clear understanding of why my house will never be completely clean! He pushed off multiple bags of chips, goldfish, sugar, ya know EVERYTHING, off the table after I'd just deep cleaned the whole kitchen!
Lesson 4. Relax!
When it comes to this little munchkin, I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. In fact, my rule is thatif he's not choking, screaming, or in danger of drowning, I’ll probably just let him do whatever he's doing.
He is that kid, the one that puts everything in his mouth, and for my own sanity, I’ve simply learned to let it go. He ate dog food constantly. Not just one or two pieces. Like handfuls. & lays down on his belly like a dog & drinks their water. The first ten or twenty times, it really bothered me and I did everything I could to stop him. Anytime he'd see me go in a different room out of sight of the kitchen he'd make a mad dash for the dog food container. I finally concluded there wasn’t much I could do about it. So I stopped trying. And eventually–thankfully–he got tired of it. In his short life he has eaten gravel, dirt, sand, crayons, markers, day-old half-eaten chicken nuggets, beads, and probably a whole lot of other things I don’t even know about. And you know what? He's fine.
He is also the kid that empties every drawer, every cabinet, every box, every basket, every bookshelf every single day. He can’t seem to help himself. He will push chairs, stools, ladders, and anything else she can find to where he needs it in order to get to what he wants. We have resorted to child-proofing the house as much as possible and then letting the chips fall where they may.
5. At the end of the day, love is all that matters.
I continue to be amazed at the infinite capacity of my love for my kids. Even when they drive me absolutely crazy, I love them more than I could’ve ever thought possible. They are the reason I get up in the morning. No matter how naughty, how annoying, how infuriating, how frustrating, they are mine and I would move heaven and earth for them.
Peyt is a challenging kid, but he also has many redeeming qualities. He is funny, adorable, charming, sweet, loving, smart, beautiful, sensitive, goofy, strong, inquisitive, observant, loyal, just to name a few. But even if he wasn’t any of those, I would still love him more than life itself.
And honestly, I don’t think I could’ve possibly understood God’s love for me, a hopeless screw-up, until I had him.
Because as much as I love him, God’s love for me is even greater & He entrusted me with such an amazingly special little boy it's amazing!
It makes sense now.
And yet it doesn’t.
I’ve probably got a few more lessons yet to learn.
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